patient # 122008

Patient came to the clinic today complaining of severe head trauma and memory loss. After further questioning it was determined that the patient had consumed mass quantities of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Patient was given a bagel sandwhich, coffee(black), and chicken noodle soup. A game of Oregon Trail was played online to help regain dexterity.

patient # 121908

Patient came in the office today complaining of "stomach problems." After x-raying the patient it was determined there was a turtle in the uterus. Patient was given a healthy dose of pabst blue ribbon and pizza( pepperoni, green peppers, and pineapple) Small sample doses of popcorn and whiskey were given when needed to ease the pain of said turtle.